Wednesday, September 18, 2013

There's a Baby in Me...

My husband and I decided to start being open to the idea of becoming parents about a month and a half ago. I wasn't using birth control, so all we had to do was stop using our, er, other method...I'm 30, he is 29 and we just felt ready for the next part of our journey as a family. We have been together for close to 8 years, and celebrated our 1 year anniversary this past June.

It happened instantly, unbeknownst to me, he kept track on a calendar of when, well you know. I am either 7 weeks pregnant, or 4 weeks. I have an appointment scheduled for October 1 where we will hopefully determine exactly. I'm hoping it's only 4 weeks, as that would cut down on the amount of time I was pregnant without knowing I was pregnant.

Everything seemed normal, I started getting cranky, and crabby, and bloated. My Ms. P was on the way. Day after day I expected her to show up and was hoping it would hurry up and get there before our upcoming camping trip. I finally checked my P Tracker App and realized I was 9 days late. Woah. I ran to target on my lunch break at work and took the test in my office bathroom. Instant positive. Had to wait 5 seconds vs. the 2 minutes it stated on the package. I was not expecting this at all. I felt excited, and nervous, and scared. I knew I would wrap my head around it, but initially I just felt shock, and like I mentioned, fear.

Everything becomes so poignant in that moment, what have I been doing the last few weeks? Besides scuba diving and taking death hikes, there was lots of drinking, and I had been in the process of quitting smoking for months now, so at least I was just a drinking smoker at this point, as opposed to a smoking smoker.

What do I have to do? I already wanted to move, I don't want to live here even more now that I'm pregnant, especially after the thing is born. We live in Downtown Long beach, and it's been wearing on me for a long time now, there are miscreants at every turn and lots of noise and pollution. The husband needs a new car, and he is in school. Stop. Breathe. You'll figure it all out.

I waited to tell the husband that evening at home by holding the test in front of his face. He for some reason thought it was negative at first but that's neither here nor there. He was excited, and happy, and we are going to be parents and we both couldn't be happier.

A friend of mine is a few weeks farther along than I and has been an amazing resource! Both of us are lucky enough to not be experiencing any morning sickness. I just feel bloated - really bloated, and sore, and tired, and extra sensitive.

I realize the gravity of the situation as this: Everything is going to change, I can no longer float along doing as I please living life weekend to weekend, drinking as I please and staying up all hours of the night. My life as been my own, but now it will become so much more. It will just mean more, more responsibility, more love, a different kind of worry and more of it. I also know I will want more. I don't want to raise a family in Southern California. I want trees, and rain, and seasons. And an actual home. everything will change and I can't wait for it.

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