Music: Thanksgiving Road Trip Mix Tape

My friend's brother asked everyone on facebook to suggest a song to him, to put on a mixed tape for his Thanksgiving car drive down to San Diego to visit relatives. 

What a great idea, I am always so curious what other people are currently listening to. Not what's on the radio, but what their go to songs are. Like I just started listeing to Vampire Weekend, even though they've been around for quite awhile.

Anywho, I decided to make my own mix tape of what I would listen to on a car ride. If you would like to, please share your playlists with me! I sure would apreesh.
 

Attitude of Gratitude

The other night I was at the grocery store at the self checkout and I found $20 in the cash output. I looked around, and pocketed the cash, debating whether I should hand it over to customer service and thinking that would be the right thing to do, unless the person never came back, then keeping it would be the right thing, no? Well, right as I was finishing up I heard someone at customer service with disappointment in their voice, what did you say? I asked. Huh? Oh, I left my money in the thing. Sad face. I have it. Happy face! Oh wow, thank you so much! 

As I was leaving the store I saw a mother of a newborn and her small toddler getting situated in the cart. Do you need any diapers? I asked her. I have a ton of diapers in my car, and I don't need them so I wanted to give them to someone who could use them. I totally overstocked on diapers and Flynn just grows so fast! I was going to give them to my friend but we never ended up meeting up and they had been sitting in there for a month. I have newborn, size one, size two, and size three. Do you want them? I literally had a trunk full of diapers. Oh yes, yes please! This woman was with her mother and they both looked so surprised, the woman almost started crying. Can you believe this? The mother asked. No, it's like a dream, I can't even believe it. Turns out this woman's husband had recently died, and they were really struggling. You don't even know the blessing you are bestowing right now, God bless you, she told me.

I drove home that night with the most incredible lightness and happy feelings. I had truly never felt this way. I didn't go out of my way or anything, but it just felt so good to help someone out that really needed it. C laughed that night when I told him how amazing it would be to be Santa Claus. It really would!

Over ten years ago I was a nanny for this kind of awful family, the kid was great, the parents not so much. I wasn't allowed to stay at home with him ever, I had to take this boy of 8 out every day to the park, to the zoo, to the museum, to the movies. If he napped, it was in the car. The best part is that they never reimbursed me for gas, or offered any extra money for it. (He was special needs so I was paid through the state.) The real clincher here is that I didn't get my first paycheck for over a month and I was totally broke. 

Looking back now I see that I should have spoken up and asked for money, but I didn't know how things worked then. I was having a really hard time, I was almost out of gas, I had borrowed a ton of money from parents and friends, and I was just down. Out of nowhere this man approached me, he recognized me from years before when I worked at the grocery store. How are you? You were my favorite cashier! and he hands me $20. A couple of days later I was at church with the kid and an older, sweet lady tucks $20 in my hand. You're such a good mommy to him, you go get yourselves a treat. I told her I was his nanny, but she said to keep it anyways. 

I will never forget those kindnesses bestowed on me at that time, their generosity really helped me to adjust my attitude to one of gratitude. This season is supposed to be about GIVING, and I hope that I encounter more opportunities to offer something to someone in need, that feeling man, nothing else like it.

I also just remembered that my good friend had lent me over $300 at the time, and when I finally got paid, she said I didn't have to pay her back! Hah! Thanks Ann! 

Brussels Sprout Fiasco

Last night I was preparing one of my favorite dishes, roasted brussels sprouts with lemon & anchovies. I took my perfectly roasted brussels sprouts out of the oven, and as I have done a million times before, I placed the hot baking dish right on the ceramic counter. 

And it exploded.

Literally.

I had glass powder in my shirt. I found a chunk of glass later in my bra. A chunk lodged itself into my hand when I was digging out the glass shards that somehow made their way into the garbage disposal.

I should have taken a pic, but I was sad and in shock.

The worst part of all of this was that I couldn't eat my brussels sprouts.

Turns out, it exploded because the counter was wet. I have put hot glass on the counter millions of times, I guess it was always dry before...huh.

Meanwhile on the internet...

This is Lauren Conrad from the OC. 

Gosh do you remember that show? So awful. 

Pretty sure it's ruined our future :| 

but this haircut? Not awful at all. 

I think I might be getting it done on me tomorrow night. 

So thank you for that Lauren. You were always my favorite.

I love this Ostrich satchel for tablet, I can't tell 

though if it's just something you slide the tablet into, 

or if it folds so you can prop it up? 

Either way, ostrich leather is so gorgeous. 

I never realized that's what this is...

This little photo printer is so cool.

Polaroids are old school cool but timeless don't you think? 

There are so many options out there now for printing your instagrams. 

We have a bunch of magnets on the fridge of my favorites, 

but printing them as a Polaroid? I need this.

These agate bookends are awesome.

 Earthy. Heavy. Quality. 

And a good weapon if you have a burglar.

Just bought our plane tickets to spend Christmas in Minnesota.
This Jacket is perfect.

I don't care if she's everyone's favorite, 

she's my favorite too. Love her fresh face. 

Jennifer Lawrence for Dior

I know what I'm getting everyone for Christmas.
A burned copy of Seth MacFarlane Holiday for Swing.
Sorry, not sorry.

Music: Song on Repeat

I've been listening to Chad Valley ALL weekend. Maybe it's the roses but doesn't he seem kind of sweet and adorable? 

I have been a fan of his for quite a while now, I like a lot of his songs, but this song does something to me, something special. 



I'm really digging this tune as well. 

 
And this remake of 'My Girl'.
 

Spider Surprise

Last Sunday was a gorgeous day, it rained on Saturday and overnight so everything was crispy clear and clean! You could see the mountains! You could see the city! And it wasn't brown!

Going up into LA is so much easier now with the fastrak, i'm so glad they put those lanes in. "Ya but you have to pay." someone said recently. Your point? I'd pay double to not sit in LA traffic. Are you crazy? Have you been here? I hope no one else ever figures out how to get fastrak, it seems so intimidating, but it's really like the easiest thing ever. The museums at Exposition Park are perfect, there is an exit from the fastrak and one leading right back onto it when you're heading home.

This day we went to the Natural History Museum. We had to bribe the admissions gal to let us into the Spider Pavilion by purchasing a membership, apparently it was booked solid. I'm not sure where my aversion to spiders suddenly ran off to... 

My favorite thing about this museum is the dinosaurs right in the main hall, and the dinosaurs just in general. I love this stuff. The dioramas are nice and all but no, i'm here for the dinos. I also like looking at the gem and mineral room. I get a trip seeing the exquisite, amazing things that pressure and heat form in the earth. All of this stuff really is cool. Plus, you kind of feel like you're in a movie since so many scenes have been filmed in here.

The building itself is gorgeous, there is a beautiful rotunda graced with the enchanting sculpture below of sirens holding up a glowing orb. It is very nice to just sit in there and enjoy the space, and also maybe eat astronaut ice cream, and also maybe find a nice off to the side bench to nurse the babe.

So now the Spider Pavilion. It's usually the Butterfly Pavilion, but for specials it's sometimes for SPIDERS. These are HUGE spiders, like 2 inches long, on HUGE webs and there is nothing separating them from you. They are above you, behind you, right in front of your face, right next to your face. I actually only mini hyperventilated once. It is a very intimate encounter. 

This guy was five inches long :|

A lady was holding her baby and getting all up close and personal with one of the spiders, "oh wow, that's amazing." and her freaking baby reached out and grabbed the web mere inches from the spider and started shaking it. My heart stopped for a few moments. I got that sensation where you want to burst into tears super fast? You know that feeling? Awful, let me tell you...

But so it was actually really cool. None of the spiders were venomous obvs, and they weren't the hunter type, more the hang out looking cool until something gets snared in their web type. I did keep imaging the loud crunch you would hear if you stomped on one of them though.

There is TONS to see there that we didn't get to, like the rose garden and the whole upstairs...and I guess there is a downstairs too...we will be going back again soon.

What's the Best Escape?

Oh I just love this!

I have different escapes, sometimes it's just getting out of the house and reaching a destination other than errands, sometimes it's scuba diving, sometimes it's getting up early on a Saturday and washing the floors in my pajamas while everyone is still asleep. Really though, it's books. I can get lost in a story like no other. 

I especially love when I fall in love with a series. When I was in my older teen, young twenties years I read all of Anne Rice's books and I loved the immortal world she painted. The movie 'Interview with the Vampire' is one of my favorites.

I also really loved reading the 'Twilight' series. Vampires of a different nature. I got so sad when I finished the last book, I just picked up the first one and read them all over again!

Obviously Harry Potter is high up on the list. Nothing can even compare. I have read the series twice now, and am thinking I will do so again this winter.

Jane Austen's books, of course.

Michael Crichton's novels always blow my mind. I get sucked in so fast and finish the books within a day or two. Don't even try speaking to me.

'Girl with the Dragon Tattoo'. These books are adult, intense, rich, fulfilling. I thought the movie was done so well. The American version, I couldn't really get hooked into the Swedish version. I really do hope they do movies for books 2 and 3. Pleeeaaase.

'The Mysterious Island' and '20,000 Leagues Under the Sea' by Jules Verne. LOVE. I wish I had read these when I was 12. 

'The Secret Garden' and 'A Little Princess' by Francis Hodgson Burnett. Again, I wish I had read these when I was 12.

I just finished reading 'In the Woods' and I really liked it, but it left a huge gaping hole at the end and I didn't particularly like that. Right before that I read 'Shadow of the Wind' which was very good. Now I'm reading 'The Goldfinch', and up next is 'Gone Girl'.

What is your escape? What are your favorite books? What are you reading right now?

Song on Repeat

I am so in love with this cover of 'Riptide' by MisterWives. I love the original by Vance Joy too, but the song sung in her sweet little voice is just so...sweet. I especially love how she sings the little story in the song about the guy moving to New York. 

I don't know how to embed just the audio file so you get this weird picture that is not theirs...

I was scared of dentists and the dark
I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations
Oh, all my friends are turning green
You're the magician's assistant in their dream

Oh, and they come unstuck

Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left hand man
I love you when you're singing that song
And I got a lump in my throat
'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong

There's this movie that I think you'll like
This guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City
This cowboy's running from himself
And she's been living on the highest shelf

Oh, and they come unstuck

Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left hand man
I love you when you're singing that song
And I got a lump in my throat
'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong

I just wanna, I just wanna know
If you're gonna, if you're gonna stay
I just gotta, I just gotta know
I can't have it, I can't have it any other way
I swear she's destined for the screen
Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you've ever seen, oh

Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left hand man
I love you when you're singing that song
And I got a lump in my throat
'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong

All Hallows' Eve

This past Friday was Halloween, our first with the little babe. We played it very low key, no dressing up, no candy, not even any wine. We did however carve a pumpkin. Tip: If you leave a carved pumpkin in your house for 5 days, it might get reeeaaally spooky (moldy).

We ate greasy pepperoni pizza and watched The Conjuring and Poltergeist. I have seen The Conjuring before, but oh my goodness it is so scary! We mostly just think the Poltergeist is funny. Is it supposed to be funny?

Saturday morning it was all of a sudden very cold outside, it was literally like winter had just arrived overnight. It was also pouring rain! I love rain, I miss rain, we do not get enough rain in Los Angeles! So we just had a cozy morning in drinking coffee and roasting pumpkin seeds. They are so yummy warm out of the oven with just a little olive oil and sea salt.

I'm really excited for Halloween next year, Flynn will be older and we can probably take him out for a bit of trick or treating!

Baby Goes to LACMA

Last week Flynn and I decided to spend the day at the LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art). I desperately want him to experience the culture that only art and music can provide, I don't want to force it on him, I just want it to be a part of his life. 

Don't be deceived, he made me carry him 
almost the whole time we were there. 

Upon arrival we discovered that the LACMA offers under 18-ers free membership as part of their #NexGen program! Not only is my baby now a member at the coolest museum in LA (so hip) but every time he goes, an adult gets free admission as well. 

texture texture texture

I've always loved learning about art and taking art classes and drawing so I was especially excited to learn that LACMA has a kids gallery. Adults and kids can go in there anytime they like (between 10 and 5) and paint! The walls were lined with all sorts of cool art that patrons have made, I can't wait till next time we go!

Not meant to look like a crotch grab :/

Mostly I just love the peace that surrounds you in places like libraries, museums and sometimes bookstores and coffee shops. I also love watching other people look at art, it's so interesting to see how others respond to art. 

Pope Francis’s Secrets to Happiness

Pope Francis is just the best. His simple messages of love and hope are so refreshing! taken from The Independent

1. Move forward and let others do the same.

2. “Be giving of yourself to others.” People need to be open and generous toward others, he said, because “if you withdraw into yourself, you run the risk of becoming egocentric. And stagnant water becomes putrid.” -Love that!

3. Proceed calmly” in life. 

4. A healthy sense of leisure. The Pope said “consumerism has brought us anxiety”, and told parents to set aside time to play with their children and turn of the TV when they sit down to eat.

5. Sundays should be holidays. Workers should have Sundays off because “Sunday is for family,” he said.

6. Find innovative ways to create dignified jobs for young people. “We need to be creative with young people. If they have no opportunities they will get into drugs” and be more vulnerable to suicide, he said. -So true!

7. Respect and take care of nature. Environmental degradation “is one of the biggest challenges we have,” he said. “I think a question that we're not asking ourselves is: 'Isn't humanity committing suicide with this indiscriminate and tyrannical use of nature?'” -I find it so interesting that he put it this way, and it's so true!

8. Stop being negative. “Needing to talk badly about others indicates low self-esteem. That means, 'I feel so low that instead of picking myself up I have to cut others down,'” the Pope said. “Letting go of negative things quickly is healthy.”

9. Don't proselytise; respect others' beliefs. “We can inspire others through witness so that one grows together in communicating. But the worst thing of all is religious proselytism, which paralyses: 'I am talking with you in order to persuade you,' No. Each person dialogues, starting with his and her own identity. The church grows by attraction, not proselytising,” the Pope said.

10. Work for peace. “We are living in a time of many wars,” he said, and “the call for peace must be shouted. Peace sometimes gives the impression of being quiet, but it is never quiet, peace is always proactive and dynamic.

Song on Repeat

Last night on the drive home I couldn't get enough of this song from Broods, 'Bridges'. Funny thing is, I'm pretty sure we went and saw Broods perform live when we lived in downtown Long Beach at that record shop right behind our apartment, I can't remember what its called...something like Paperclips...wait no, got it - Fingerprints. We only saw a handful of performances there, out of the thousands they had, and Broods was one of them (I think).

I have never seen this video before, it's very German, has that same quality as 'Let the Right One In,' that vampire movie?

But this song captures exactly how I feel right now, not the lyrics, just the tone, the emotion. Very fall, and sort of hopeful, and sleepy Sunday, and staying cozy in bed drinking my coffee.

Don't worry, be happy...

I read a good article somewhere that said that nothing matters to your kids more than your level of happiness at your own life. It said that your job doesn't matter, your level of education doesn't matter, whether you were single, divorced, gay or straight, blue or green, or anything. The most secure thing for a child, is having a parent who is happy with their life. or something like that. I wholeheartedly believe this, as right now in my life nothing gives me greater joy then knowing my parents are happy, and my baby being healthy and happy as well!

What new parent doesn't, but I have been thinking a lot about my own upbringing, which was very, very catholic. It was oftentimes very stressful and instead of bringing me peace, it could be a great source of fear and worry. Not necessarily good for a child.

Thinking on all this really makes me realize that I need to spend a lot more time with my spiritual self, I really have been neglecting it and I don't like how that feels.

The one thing I am sure of right now is that I need to do right by my child. so for him, I will be happy with me. I will strive everyday to be present and enjoy the wonder and life my little one gives me.  And we'll figure out the rest as we go, together.

My bebes realizing he can look through the
crack on the stroller and see mama!

Life Happens

Last night the husband was watching some documentary about lions and of course it had to do with a baby lion getting hurt and the mama having to leave it behind. I was sitting there putting a diaper on my own babe sobbing my heart out.

It also rained last night and has been a pretty gloomy day! But I love it! This song is perfect!

I am so excited for fall! I keep forgetting that I live in CA and the trees aren't about to turn orange and red and yellow, and the leaves aren't going to fall off, and our noses and cheeks aren't going to be turning pink anytime soon (from the cold anywho). But I do get to drink salted caramel mochas...even if they are iced, at some point they will be warm. We are going to go to MN for Christmas this year though and I cannot wait. I can already feel the wind on my face and taste the taste of snow - which is just like ice I know, but better. I haven't seen snow in way too long.

Flynn just had a new leap development, which is also called a wonder week. His core literally turned to pure muscle in two days, and he is able to now flip himself over. Literally. Flip. From his tummy right onto his back. I witnessed this. He is also so much more thoughtful and deliberate with grabbing his toys and putting them in his mouth. He is all of a sudden splashing up a storm at bath time, and is also much more interested in his books when I read to him! I love reading and stories and cannot wait to share with him the magic of books!

Oh and he is obsessed with the iphone and computer screens.  My husband shows him surfing videos which he LOVES. He starts pumping his little fists and feet and it is actually really fun. But I find him now looking at these screens whenever he sees them even if there is nothing on. No babe, please don't be obsessed with technology yet.

He is crying a little bit more now, but that's kind of okay cause he wasn't much of a cryer in the first place. Giving him a little dip in his tub or just splashing water on him from the sink seems to really help though. Water is super soothing to me too little bug!

He does this thing when he is going to sleep where he lays on his soft blanky and he wants it touching his cheek so he'll turn his head from side to side real fast and it is seriously the funniest cutest thing ever. Another thing he does is chew on his blanky, like you think he might choke or something but when you check he literally has the tiniest little bit in his mouth and he'll just chew on the edge. I want to make note of all of these small things so I never forget.

I had all of last week off to spend with my parents who were visiting from MN. It was super super great. The weather was slightly milder than usual (80s not 90s) and the ocean was especially tropical. I think my favorite thing was getting to swim in the ocean with my husband while my parents watched Flynn up under the umbrella. We used to live in the ocean and it has been so long since we just jumped in and swam around without scuba gear on our backs!

My other favorite thing was being able to breastfeed my babe. I hate pumping and I hate being at work because I can't be with him and nurse him, so it was great to be with him all week and give him sustenance all while my soul was being fed too.

I loved having you here too mom and dad ;) It was my moms first time to CA and to see the Pacific Ocean and she loved it! Hopefully they will be back again soon! I loved seeing them with Flynn. He loves them and they love him of course. I need to visit MN more, I miss my family so much.

Seeing things like the lion documentary make me incredibly sad, but also extremely grateful and cautious. Please don't let anything ever happen to my precious little bug. I love him so much.

Back in the Swing

I really want to be a better blogger. Like just in terms of doing it. I go so long without posting anything and then when I look back at past posts, I love that I documented some little happening that I otherwise would have totally forgot about. Or just the way I was feeling at a certain time. A thought I had. No one reads this but me but that is okay. Its sort of like a journal. And that is okay with me.

So here goes.

We bought a new couch! We went on Saturday, it gets delivered Friday and I am so so so excited. Like ridiculously excited. We had these horrible awful devil rat couches for waaaaayyy too long. We had to put them out by the dumpster last night for pick up so now we are sitting on those fold up camping chairs for a couple days. Good riddance.

I returned to work a few weeks ago and at first it just felt good to be doing something productive. Like waking up early and showering. But I'm starting to really miss my baby so much more during the day now though. It's just getting worse. I love so much the time I get to spend with him at the end of the day. He gets real excited now when he gets home and he sees me and I take him over from papa and it makes me feel so good in my heart! It makes me sad though cause we only get to play for a little bit and then its tired time and bath time and nurse time and sleep time. I never want to put him to bed when he falls asleep in my arms at night :( My dream is to find work that I can do from home. And raise my babes. I want a few more of these little orbs of love. and also be earning a good income. (Just putting it out there again Universe)

I so want a house with a yard now too, and a big shady tree that we can hang out under and then when he grows he can climb it. Someday. Sigh. When I was young we had a real big huge Weeping Willow tree in the backyard and oh my goodness we lived in that tree. It had so many big branches that were perfect perches for little butts, and nooks and crannies that made it so easy to climb. Storms broke some of the branches eventually and it got tree sick and had to be cut down. I am going to look into possibly buying a new young one and having it planted in my parents backyard. Maybe that’s just another someday thing. Maybe for my own house someday. When that happens. Sigh. (Universe?)

Hmm, erm…Spiderman 2 should be arriving in the mail today and I am super excited to see it, I really like the first one. I did not like the Tobey McGuire ones AT ALL. They were actually really depressing to me. I HATED them. BUT I LOVE the new one with Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone. So adorbs those two.

So C played the flute as his younger self and I recently got to thinking about how much Flynn would probably LOVE it and then if C was able to sort of teach him how to play and how to read music from a young age, if he’s into that sort of thing, just how great that would be! I never took music classes so I don’t know how to play any instruments and it has always made me real sad. I so wish I knew how to play the piano. I could still learn I suppose, but I wish I ALREADY knew how to do it.

I have been so bad about cooking dinners since late in my pregnancy when it was actually painful to stand on my feet for more than five minutes. I can’t believe that, I used to have to stop and sit down for a minute while washing the dishes! What a crazy thing. But so the plan is to cook dinner tonight. I would also like to get in a run but that’s so hard now with my limited time with baby, I don’t want my time with him to be him stuck in a stroller. I wonder if I could ever be the type of person to get up at 6 am and go for a run. Maybe I can try to do that. Maybe.

BUT I am really counting my blessings right now, I have a super healthy, beautiful, mellow baby boy who I love so so much, I have an AMAZING patient, caring, understanding husband who works his booty off for us, I have a JOB (we'll leave it at that, but a lot of people do not, and are having hard times, and we aren't, so for that I am grateful) and I am just real sick of thinking about what I don't have instead of rejoicing for all the wonderfulness I do have.

Eating Pregnant

I am about 8 weeks along me thinks? At about week 5, when I had only known for 1 week, we went camping. I hadn't experienced any crazy cravings but one thing had popped into my brain at around 11 p.m. one night which was random and I wasn't even hungry at the time, so of course I labeled it, "My First Craving." It was for pepper ground beef and mushrooms. I made a comment about it, to which one girl responded saying it was too early for me to be having cravings. Oh, okay...WRONG.

The first thing I read about cravings is that they happen early, and they happen late. The general consensus seems to be that the second trimester is the most mild, with the first and third being pretty dramatic in terms of moods and foods, among other things...So I still haven't experienced anything crazy, but I have been giving in to my food wants that I previously abstained from.

Bread. Give me a sandwich, breakfast lunch and dinner, I want a freakin sandwich. Too bad you aren't supposed to have deli meat while you're pregnant due to an evil little bacteria named Listeria. Turns out it can cause blood poisoning and infections to the baby, even miscarriage! Son of a bitch. You can have deli meat if you heat it to steaming first. Looks like it'll be hot sandwiches for me, which is just fine because of...

Roast Beef. This is a pretty strong craving I have been experiencing, hot roast beef sandwiches. It's a good thing we have some of the best delis around within walking distance. I have always loved roast beef, but I typically avoid red meats just cause. You hear all sorts of weird things, and I don't feel as bad murdering a chicken or fish, as I do after seeing those horror images of cows and pigs being factory slaughtered. I buy organic free range chicken and eggs too, but it's the health reasons as well as the physical toll they take on my body that causes me to avoid red meat. It makes me break out, and it makes me gassy, and the worst kind. So this one I will try to keep minimal. This craving seemed to subside after just a couple weeks of wanting red meat every day. Whew.

Pickles. I have always been a pickle eater, the worst kind, and they have to be dill. I would normally limit myself to 3 pickles in one sitting at the most, but I have been going a little buck wild since finding out I was prego. Please take my advice. Do not eat half a jar of pickles in one sitting. Please, please, please do not drink half the juice. This was not really an unpleasant experience, per say, but I never knew that pickle juice could do that to you. At least my system got a nice flushing out.

Ice Cream. I want a different style of ice cream every day. Praline Pecan Monday, Neapolitan Tuesday, Drumstick Wednesday, Ice Cream Sandwich Thursday. This one is tricky as I typically avoid dairy, but I've also been craving milk. I can't say I'm lactose intolerant, but it does make me feel a little funky. So I bought Lactose free milk which is amazing, it's creamy, and thick, and oh so delicious.

That is really about it. I feel very blessed to not be experiencing any morning sickness, like none. The only thing that makes me sick to my stomach is the thought of eating some foods that pre-pregnancy I loved. Like breakfast tacos, and fruit. I do not want fruit! I am basically forcing it down my throat.

I have also been craving Thanksgiving dinner, and Mac & Cheese but I haven't given in to those ones...yet.

There's a Baby in Me...

My husband and I decided to start being open to the idea of becoming parents about a month and a half ago. I wasn't using birth control, so all we had to do was stop using our, er, other method...I'm 30, he is 29 and we just felt ready for the next part of our journey as a family. We have been together for close to 8 years, and celebrated our 1 year anniversary this past June.

It happened instantly, unbeknownst to me, he kept track on a calendar of when, well you know. I am either 7 weeks pregnant, or 4 weeks. I have an appointment scheduled for October 1 where we will hopefully determine exactly. I'm hoping it's only 4 weeks, as that would cut down on the amount of time I was pregnant without knowing I was pregnant.

Everything seemed normal, I started getting cranky, and crabby, and bloated. My Ms. P was on the way. Day after day I expected her to show up and was hoping it would hurry up and get there before our upcoming camping trip. I finally checked my P Tracker App and realized I was 9 days late. Woah. I ran to target on my lunch break at work and took the test in my office bathroom. Instant positive. Had to wait 5 seconds vs. the 2 minutes it stated on the package. I was not expecting this at all. I felt excited, and nervous, and scared. I knew I would wrap my head around it, but initially I just felt shock, and like I mentioned, fear.

Everything becomes so poignant in that moment, what have I been doing the last few weeks? Besides scuba diving and taking death hikes, there was lots of drinking, and I had been in the process of quitting smoking for months now, so at least I was just a drinking smoker at this point, as opposed to a smoking smoker.

What do I have to do? I already wanted to move, I don't want to live here even more now that I'm pregnant, especially after the thing is born. We live in Downtown Long beach, and it's been wearing on me for a long time now, there are miscreants at every turn and lots of noise and pollution. The husband needs a new car, and he is in school. Stop. Breathe. You'll figure it all out.

I waited to tell the husband that evening at home by holding the test in front of his face. He for some reason thought it was negative at first but that's neither here nor there. He was excited, and happy, and we are going to be parents and we both couldn't be happier.

A friend of mine is a few weeks farther along than I and has been an amazing resource! Both of us are lucky enough to not be experiencing any morning sickness. I just feel bloated - really bloated, and sore, and tired, and extra sensitive.

I realize the gravity of the situation as this: Everything is going to change, I can no longer float along doing as I please living life weekend to weekend, drinking as I please and staying up all hours of the night. My life as been my own, but now it will become so much more. It will just mean more, more responsibility, more love, a different kind of worry and more of it. I also know I will want more. I don't want to raise a family in Southern California. I want trees, and rain, and seasons. And an actual home. everything will change and I can't wait for it.

Boo

I love you.

Not Fair

Everything changes. Always. I know that, I've come to accept it and even love it. But sometimes... 

In the past year I have had two new jobs, been given a car, gotten married, and taken my first real vacation in over six years. That's kind of a lot, no? And my husband moved into a new position at work that gives him a better schedule, and even the flexibility to work from home. Maybe I'm just jealous, no, I am jealous, but we talk all the time about starting a family, so shouldn't I be the one heading home bound? I know it doesn't work like that, but I am not happy for him. I am stomping my proverbial three year old foot demanding no! My turn! I can't believe at this point in my life I am whining about something being unfair but I am. This is a good thing for him, he is still in school and this will allow him to get in his studying and not have to race to class after work. I still feel like I'm going to burst into tears about it though.

I so want to be back in MN, life here is good and right during the week, but come Friday and I miss my friends and family back home. Last weekend all I could think about was the fact that the weekend prior WAS spent in MN, My line of thinking was like, exactly one week ago I was eating greek salad and garlic grilled potatoes on the patio with the hose running water all over our feet which amazingly made me chilly in the 96 degree heat.

And I took like two pictures...which were lame...I hate that the most...not having any pictures of me with my friends I never see.

And the children, don't even get me started :) It was amazing to see all the little ones, my amazing two year old nephew "The Destructor", my week old nephew Sloan, who I got to hold onto for hours :) little Georgia Peach, Jack who is growing up into a real boy, awkward Cash :) Bernadette, who is bursting with personality and sweet little James. Plus my nanny girls I adore. I kind of miss the kids the most...

I want to come back in Septemeber if tickets prices are low....we'll see

Love this day

Tonight I want to hose down the balcony, put some candles out, drink wine and smoke cigarettes listening to Foster the People.

I woke up this morning and practically popped out of bed-Friday. I drank my coffee and did my mini workout so I'm going strong.

I have a few errands to run after work and the apartment needs a deep clean but then it's relax time...maybe make some shrimp bruschetta and angel hair with pesto and goat cheese...mmm